I will be the first one to admit that I am overly paranoid when it comes to my kids.
I like to think that I have gotten better over the years, but I still worry constantly.
And when I say paranoid, I am talking more than the normal “mom worry”.
When Madisyn was little and it was just she and I, I wore a heart necklace with her name that my mom gave me. For whatever reason my paranoia became almost superstitious in that I never took off the necklace. It was as if a part of me feared that if I removed the necklace something bad would happen to her.
I also used to pray the exact same prayer for her every single night. It became less about thanking God for the beautiful blessing that she was, but a repetitive chant that I had to say exactly right or something bad would happen. If I messed it up, I would re pray to make sure I did it right.
I never wanted to leave her with anyone and Channing can vouch for me on that. Once we were at a church back to school party and the preschool minister was going upstairs for a minute and Madisyn wanted to go with her. I worried and freaked the entire 3 minutes she was gone. All becuase she was taking an elevator up 2 floors without me.
I told you, it was bad.
Over the years and as we have grown our family, I find myself able to relax a little more. There are no more necklaces or repetitive prayers. But I do know that my paranoia and fears take over a lot. And probably keep my kids from doing things they want.
In the last several weeks I have seen tragedy strike with childhood friends and blog friends.
I have read the heart wrenching stories of young lives lost.
And through my tears and confusion, one thing has become clear.
My children are not my own.
They are children of God.
I have been blessed to be their mother here on earth, but nothing I can do, and nothing I can pray can change the fact that I am not in control.
And I lose sight of that more often than I care to admit.
I spend more of my time worrying about the “what ifs” and less time focusing on the blessing that is being their mom.
I study the news and stress about things out of my control , when I should be studying their little faces.
Taking everything in.
Cherishing every moment.
Being intentional and understanding that tomorrow is not promised.
And that I should never take that for granted.
I have to remind myself that I can’t let this fear control me and hold me back. And I definitely don’t want my fears holding my kids back.
We have been given this one life.
And it is truly a gift.
Today while we reflect on this, let us also please take a moment to remember and to honor a beautiful little boy named Ryan, who went home to be with Jesus last week. Please keep Jacqui and Dan in your prayers, as well as their friends and family as they mourn this great loss.
Jacqui’s friend Alissa shared THIS blog post and it asked for not only prayers for the family, but for people to post pictures of Ryan in honor of him. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and the love this family has for one another radiates through their photos.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to this sweet family.
Rest in peace precious Ryan.