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Why Am I Here?

March 25, 2016 By Channing 2 Comments

I sat at dinner a few weeks ago with some girl friends and our conversation is one that has resonated with me.

I am not even sure anyone else there was impacted by our chat in the way I was.

It was a simple conversation. A conversation about life.

Michelle and I met up with some of our blogging friends, some of our contributors who live in the area to be exact. Our conversation turned from superficial blogging fun to the real reason we blog.

Somewhere in our chat I mentioned that there are topics I think of blogging about but I find myself being more guarded in the details. I am not guarded because I don’t want to share but because of the fear that hides behind it.

I honestly, just haven’t been brave enough to go there.

But, during our conversation some sweet words were spoken and it was in that moment God spoke to me. The question was posed, then why am I here? Yes, we were talking about blogging but in that moment all ideas of blogging faded away and why am I here is what continued to play in my head.

Why Am I Here
Why Am I Here?

There was a moment in my life where me being here was in question.

Ten years (she would say 10 1/2) ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My pregnancy with her was hard. It was filled with bed rest, medications and many scares. But on that day, she was here. Healthy, plump, pink and screaming. I remember hearing her scream and I remember her being laid on my chest but after that my memory is a blur.

I remember waking up what seemed like days later to her crying but having no energy to do anything. There were others in the room but nothing seemed “real.” I was told this was normal, it is not.  They sent me home from the hospital but nothing still felt “right.”

I could not breath, my body was swelling, I was not producing milk, my head felt swimmy and the only way I felt relief was to sit in the bath tub leaning completely forward. It’s the only way I could catch a breath.

I delivered Eden on a Wednesday and by the following Sunday I was back in the hospital. My stats were all over the place and my nurse quickly realized something was seriously wrong. This nurse, I do not even remember her name. But, she helped to save my life. She pushed and pushed the doctors until they came up with a diagnosis and that I was actually in the midst of my heart shutting down on me.

I have what is called Postpartum Cardiomyopathy. After having Eden, my body started attacking itself including my heart. I was in the ICU for several days. The topic of a heart transplant came up. The possibility of me not recovering was there. 

I shared more about my journey here.

But, what I have not shared with you is the fear that since that time has completely taken over me. A fear that traps me and consumes me. It is a fear of the unknown and thinking is THIS it. I live my life waiting for the ball to drop.

I have suppressed these feelings and not acknowledged the fear I live in because then I would have to go there. I would have to talk about the possibility of something happening. Not the fear of something happening to me but to my family. To my girls. The fear of my heart giving in and me no longer being here for my girls. Everyone else would be ok but they are my babies, they need their Mama.

But, with this small question of why am I here I received hope. It is a hope that I have known in my head but was not accepting in my heart.

I am here because God has a plan for me. He has a plan that I cannot see and one that I may not even understand. He has a plan for me that he created thoughtfully and completely when He created me.

HE loves me deeper that anyone here on earth could ever fathom. He desires to heal the fear that lives inside of me.

He has already performed miracles in me.

By the world’s standards I should not be here but His plans are greater.

I pray that my story can be used for His glory. It is the story He gave me. He has entrusted it to me.

The question of why am I here no longer remains.

The bigger and more important question now is what am I going to do with it?

his love gives life

We here at MWOA pray that you know this Easter weekend how much Jesus loves you and desires to have a relationship with you.

We are praying for you Mama’s.

Happy Easter!

 

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Filed Under: Faith, Mom Life

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Comments

  1. Elly says

    March 25, 2016 at 11:25 pm

    MMMMM!!! Gave me chills! Love this!

    Reply
  2. Alessandra Ferguson says

    March 29, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    This is so good girl! SO good!

    Reply

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Hi, friends! I’m Channing. I am mom to 3 amazing girls and wife to my fire fighting hubby, Eric. I loving sharing all things mom life related – recipes, DIY’s, real mom talk, crafts and more! 

Insta-Moms: @momswoa

Instagram post 17951785348338518 Happy 4th from these little cuties. It looks A LOT different this year but we are still having fun.
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#happy4thofjuly #happyfourth #fourthofjuly #redwhiteandblue #momblog #houstonmomblogger #momofgirls
Instagram post 17856710153004179 #blackouttuesday
Instagram post 17864637601827512 This is what happens on day number 3,568,743 of quarantine: ice cream sundaes for DINNER. We have been spending endless time together and decided it was time to start a new family tradition, so we picked up the new DIY Sundae Kit from @baskinrobbins! The kit comes with 2 pre-packed quarts of ice cream, 3 toppings, an entire can of whipped cream and cherries! Ice
cream for dinner will now be a weekly staple. The kids are definitely not complaining! It’s a fun day with a Sundae! 
Comment below and tell me your favorite Baskin Robbins flavor!

#QuarantineCreations #IceCreamforDinner #FamilyTraditions #ad
Instagram post 17855065096958471 Some of my #DisneyMagicMoments have been with some special moms in my life! So, I’m playing along and sharing some of these moments with you.

I have spent time with old friends and new and the magic is always there. 
If you scroll back far enough, you will see my first Disney experience and the moment I fell in love with Disney with my own mom! 
I would love for you to play along and share your favorite Disney moments with the moms in your life! Don’t forget to use hashtag #disneymagicmoments! I tag @pixiemousemichelle, @fivefortheroadblog and @mrsblinks! 
Happy Mother’s Day! 😘😘
Instagram post 17873430769680209 Happy Cinco de Mayo! 🌮 What is your favorite Mexican dish?

I could eat Mexican for every meal of everyday! If your looking for the perfect recipes to make for dinner, I’ve got you covered. 
Head on over the the blog for all of my favorite dishes! These enchiladas NEVER disappoint! I promise you will LOVE all of these recipes! 🎉
Instagram post 17885629336528535 May the 4th be with you! We cannot wait for the day that we get to be back at Star Wars Galaxies Edge. Batuu, we miss you! #maytheforcebewithyou #may4thbewithyou #disneycreators #batuu #bluemilk #wemissdisney
Instagram post 17850899390014309 Disney is challenging us to share our first pictures with characters! I had to join in the fun and it was the best trip down memory lane. Disney has been threaded throughout my entire life. I pulled a few of my most favorite memories over the years. From partying in the streets during the most epic dance party and meeting our most favorite princesses to me being a kid at Disney myself. Oh, I also had to add a picture of Cinderella’s Castle. She really is the most beautiful cast member of them all! 
@waltdisneyworld we miss you more and more each day. You’ve brought us joy beyond words and we cannot wait for the day when we get to walk down Main Street USA again! 
Ok, now it’s your turn. Find your old photos of your favorite Disney characters and share the magic. Also, don’t forget to tag me. I want to see all your memories too! 
@pixiemousemichelle @ericaligenza and @prettyprovidenceblog it’s time to share yours!#disneymagicmoments #myfirstdisneycharacter #disneycreators #disneyfamily #disneykuds #disneyworld
Instagram post 17904777073435611 EASY EASTER SUGAR COOKIE BARS! [AD] With Easter looking a little different this year, I teamed up with my friends at @hersheys to create a fun Easter treat using items you probably have in your pantry!
These Easter Sugar Cookie Bars are so easy to make. Store bought sugar cookie mix and cute colorful icing is the perfect foundation for @cadburyusa eggs and @reeses eggs. 
Looking for more treat ideas? Check out the fun recipes at https://Hershey’s.com/kitchen/en_us/home.html

Comment below and tell me your favorite Easter recipes! #cadburyusa #reeses #eastertreats #springdessert
Instagram post 18019712191263346 I’m joining my friend @andhattiemakesthree for #happymondaymemory to share some joy and fun around here!
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Let’s take it back to the #happiestplaceonearth and our time in Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge! Y’all, I don’t even have words for how amazing it is. And #riseoftheresistance is everything! Check out our video to see for yourself. We miss you @waltdisneyworld and can’t wait to make more memories soon!
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Now it’s your turn! Share your favorite memory and let’s spread some joy! #evereveambassador #disneycreators #starwars #disneyhollywoodstudios #stayhome
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