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Cure the Stay at Home Mom Burnout

March 10, 2016 By Sara Morris 21 Comments

First things first – hey y’all! I’m Sara and I’m so excited to be here. Like, SO FREAKING EXCITED. Sorry. Trying not to yell. Anyway, I’m here from Sara Dear, a blog about real life homemaking. I’m going to be talking about Stay-at-Home-Mom-ing here on MWOA and will probably say the word awesome more than one person is allowed. I’m happy to be here, I’m so happy you’re here, and I’m happy we’re here together to build a better mom community, one awesome post at a time. Now let’s get on with it.

Can we just get real for a sec? Like, really real? I’ve been a little burnt out. Okay, a lot burnt out. Let me preface this with the obvious – I love my kids. I love staying home with my kids. I love being a stay at home mom/blogger/house manager. But I’ve been stuck where we all end up at some point. I’m just so tired. We’re all so busy, you and I. Life just gets a little overwhelming sometimes and there’s not time to think or sit or shower, and at the end of the day you still can’t really figure out what you did. So today’s post is in no way me sitting up on my pedestal preaching about how perfect my life is being a SAHM, and how I’ve got it all figured out. Because it’s not and I don’t. It’s just to serve as a gentle reminder to all of us mamas, myself included, on how to get out of our rut, cure the burnout, and get back to enjoying our kids and our lives when it gets monotonous and those tiny little humans make us a little bit crazy. 

SAHM burnout 1

  1. Find a daily routine. Figure out what you want to get out of your day, figure out a flexible timeline, then commit to it. We all thrive on routines, kids and adults alike. And if you have a good idea of your day, when you’re going to have time to do this or that, then you’ll spend less time stressing about your to-do list and can focus on the task at hand. Flexibility is one thing, a free-f0r-all is another. A solid routine will benefit both you and your kids, even if it’s just because you know what you have to do in order to make it to bedtime and wine time tonight. To see how I formulated my own daily routine, and exactly what mine is, click here.
  2. Get out of the house. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or complicated, and you don’t have to look like a 10. Just change your environment and your kids’ environment. You don’t even have to get in the car. Go outside in your back yard even! Go to a friend’s house where she doesn’t care what you look like or how loud your kids yell because hers are also yelling, and drink some coffee while you’re at it. Being holed up in your house, while it seems safe and easy, is actually really dangerous and really hard. So get some fresh air! Just because you’re a stay-at-home-mom doesn’t mean you have to be home all the time.SAHM burnout 2
  3. Get ready in the morning. There are a lot of people that preach you should get up, do your makeup, fix your hair, wear real pants, blah blah blah. And that’s fine. If that’s your priority, then more power to you. But that’s not my thing and it doesn’t have to be yours if you don’t want it to be. I spend approximately 10 minutes in the morning brushing my teeth, throwing some powder on my face, some dry shampoo in my hair, and putting on clean yoga pants. It’s not fancy, but I don’t need to be fancy to sit in the floor and play with play dough. I need to be clean, willing to actually answer my door if someone shows up, and just feeling like I got dressed and ready changes my attitude a lot.
  4. Wake up before your kids. I try really hard to do this. And I’m the least morning-ish person you’ve ever met. Trust me. Most days “getting up before the kids” means I woke up early enough to scroll through Instagram for 20 minutes, begged my hubs to bring me coffee in bed, and took those 10 minutes to get clean and dressed. But having a little bit of time in my day when I’m not on mom duty or wife duty or blogger duty gives me a fresh start, a little bit of peace and quiet, and also helps me wake up because that can take a while. Sometimes I even get breakfast… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.SAHM burnout 3
  5. Outsource what stresses you most. Even if it’s just for a little while, take some things off your plate. Schedule a house cleaner for a little while, get your groceries delivered, give your husband bedtime duty solo. The important caveat here, though, is to not feel guilty about it. That’s way easier said than done. But… if you want to feel the fresh air on the other side of this funk, you have to have a little breathing room. 
  6. Look on Pinterest! There are 1,001 toddler, preschooler, baby, mommy, dog, etc activities on Pinterest from other bloggers. Most of which can be done with either really inexpensive craft supplies or stuff you already have lying around. When I’m feeling antsy, or I can tell my boys are, I pull out a special activity and we focus on that for a while. I don’t keep these out with the rest of their toys all the time, so it feels like a special treat when I do pull them out. It’s a nice little reset to get our day back on track and it is a fun way for be to engage in their play and learning while also keeping myself from getting bored of stacking the same blocks over and over and over.
  7. Expect less. While we’re talking about Pinterest… your life does not have to be Pinterest worthy, ever. Sure, the images we see on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, even on blogs are so inspiring, but they can be equally intimidating and make us feel bad about ourselves. But please realize those photos are just small little snapshots into someone’s curated portfolio. None of us are perfect. I promise. Don’t expect yourself to be. Just be you, do the best you can, and realize that if it doesn’t look like your life could be featured in a magazine, it’s because that is real life. SAHM burnout 4
  8. You’re not Mom Solo. This is a reminder for myself in particular for when I’m feeling like I have to do it all. Keep my house sparkling, run a blog (and do it well), be a mom to twins and teach them and help them and keep them fed and clean, and the list is never ending. But here’s the thing… I’m not the only one who lives here! I’m half of the team that created these people. My blog is still going to be there tomorrow if I go to sleep before 1AM. All I mean is that enlisting help doesn’t make you less awesome, it just makes you a little less tired. There should be no shame in giving yourself a little slack.
  9. But you could be Mom Solo. Like you, but without the caravan of kids. Go get a coffee. Go get a pedicure. Go sit in the Target parking lot and read the book you bought last summer and haven’t read yet. Go out for drinks with a girlfriend; hopefully another mom that also needs a break and wine.
  10. Most importantly remember: You are an awesome mom. In case nobody has told you lately, this is hard stuff, and you’re a doing a really good job. Kids are exhausting and trying and infuriating, and we love them all the same. But it’s okay to not love it 100% of the time. If you find yourself hating the SAHM gig more than not, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate some things. But it is normal to feel burnt out and to lose momentum. There isn’t a single day that I don’t wonder if I am cut out for this, even on the very best days. But my kids are healthy, they are happy, my house is clean enough, and in spite of the hardness, I am happy. So to you, fellow mother, wherever you are and no matter how crazy you feel right now, I just want you to know you’re an awesome mom and those kids are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. And I promise, this too shall pass. SAHM burnout 5

 

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About Sara Morris

Hey! I'm Sara. I'm a stay-at-home twin mama, married to my middle school sweetheart living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I blog over at SaraDear.com about all things homemaking. In my "free" time (what's that?) I love to organize things, sew, read, watch movies, listen to really good music, and drink coffee. Does that count as a hobby? Sure hope so. I'm so happy to be here on Moms Without Answers!

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Comments

  1. Dawn says

    April 2, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Thank you for THIS!

    Reply
  2. Kezia Nielsen says

    July 8, 2016 at 11:57 am

    This was wonderful. I like #2… getting out of the house is so important, and it’s easy to think that it has to be a whole planned event to make it worth it- not true! We like to go on Sunday drives together as a family (www.drivingonsunday.com) , and it is always a stress reliever for us all to just get out!
    I also agree that getting up before the kids helps so much! Definitely something I need to work on. 🙂
    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Sara Morris says

      July 8, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      We like to go on drives, too! Our boys get a little antsy but it is definitely fun to get out and explore a little. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Tonya Menard says

    September 5, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    I definitely need to work on getting up before kids! That little bit of time for myself helps me so much! Thank you so much for the inspiring, encouraging words.

    Reply
  4. Mary says

    October 7, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Such a nice read, thank you so much. ♡ I have a toddler and am pregnant with my second. Today has felt like “one of those days”. Your words were much appreciated. Feeling connected to other stay at home moms makes all the difference. ♡

    Reply
  5. Samantha says

    November 7, 2016 at 9:02 am

    Thank you this brought tears to my eyes.

    Reply
  6. Chelsea says

    January 4, 2017 at 9:55 am

    Great read! Love the tips sometimes it’s hard to see past your day at home!! Changing the environment is huge for my son and I even just to our yard or to shovel the driveway ?

    Reply
  7. Meredith Gallie says

    July 12, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Great Blog! I’m also a SAHM Vlogger. My Youtube channel is “Surviving As Mom”. Feel free to check it out. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Daniela says

    September 21, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    Omg…what you wrote is exactly how I feel lately. specially today. my husband works overnight and a lot of hours and I feel I am for everything alone. Specially today was bad. I dont feel productive, am frustrated and angry 🙁 when I read last couple of sentences of your post I started sobbing…have to try to wake up before kids and not to be so hard on myself…thank you!

    Reply
  9. Rhonda Smith says

    March 14, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    Thanks for sharing Sara. You are right on target about everything. I’ll be looking you up on other social media outlets.

    Have a blessed day.

    Reply
  10. Aimee R says

    April 26, 2018 at 2:14 pm

    Thanks so much for this. I truly appreciate the time you spent writing this out for mom’s like me. I’m feeling better already!

    Reply
  11. Nicole says

    June 13, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    Thanks for this read, gave me a pick me up

    Reply
    • Channing says

      June 19, 2018 at 4:59 pm

      I am so glad it made your day!

      Reply
  12. Krista says

    August 30, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    Hi Sara! I am also a twin mommy and married to my middle school sweetheart. My girls will be three this November so we are in the thick of the terrible twos. ?? I enjoyed reading this. Nothing like a good mind reset for the day.
    Krista from Florida.

    Reply
  13. Vanessa says

    January 22, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    Thanks for sharing! Mom friends are so helpful! It feels so comforting to sit on someone else’s couch, in their disorder, and relax together!

    Reply
  14. Nicole says

    February 9, 2019 at 1:13 pm

    It’s seems so easy when you read your tips.

    I have 2, a boy(3) and girl (1)
    I wake-up before they do but my son senses I’m out of bed and is right behind me 2 min later.

    I’m a student, stay at home mom, hubby works out and when he is at home, it’s great. His very hands on with the kiddies.

    I’m exhausted, I have run out of everything I can do with them, we go out, even if it’s just a walk to the shop and back.

    Routines are in check, play time is all the time.

    How do I give more of my time to my kiddies?

    Being this exhausted has made me doubt my studies ( Grade R teaching ) , how do I cope with other children during the day and still have to come home and give 100% to mine????

    I won’t lie, it’s difficult!!!

    But I love my children and as every mom/parent we want to be and do the best for our children and we still feel like we could do better.

    Reply
    • Channing says

      March 6, 2019 at 4:56 pm

      I totally understand how you feel. I remember when mine were little and how hard it was to feel like I wasn’t drowning in it all. I am a student and have 3 kiddos and life is definitely hard. Keep up the great work and know you are not alone!

      Reply
  15. Courtney says

    July 19, 2019 at 11:55 am

    Just what I needed to read! Thank you for sharing your insight and being so real. We, SAHMs appreciate you!

    Reply
    • Channing says

      August 5, 2019 at 2:34 pm

      We love SAHMs!

      Reply
  16. Karen says

    August 17, 2019 at 9:30 am

    Thank you for this! Just what I needed to get me through another day with my infant twins, toddler and homeschooled first grader??

    Reply
  17. Monique Olivas says

    August 26, 2019 at 12:37 am

    Thank you so much for this. It reminds me that I’m not alone. You are amazing !

    Reply

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Hi, friends! I’m Channing. I am mom to 3 amazing girls and wife to my fire fighting hubby, Eric. I loving sharing all things mom life related – recipes, DIY’s, real mom talk, crafts and more! 

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I have spent time with old friends and new and the magic is always there. 
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