Not What I Had Planned: How I Became A Mother

How I became a mother…

My story is a story so very different than the ones we have shared already. It’s different, and yet girls all over the world find themselves in situations similar to mine every single day.

The day I found out I was pregnant,

I was 20 years old.

I was a sophomore in college.

And I was unmarried.

And in that day, as I stared down at the positive pregnancy test shaking and afraid, my life forever changed.

For the girl whose life ambition was to move to NYC and make it big on Broadway this was a MAJOR plot twist. I had always wanted children, but my plan was to give NYC and the stage my “best years” and I would consider settling down when I was 30. Maybe babies by 34?!

It was a relatively easy 9 months of pregnancy but being young and unprepared, I had a lot of growing up to do in a seemingly short amount of time.

But then the time came and on September 23, 2003, Madisyn was born. It is a night I will never forget. In one instant I went from being a scared, selfish 21 year old girl, to being responsible for the most beautiful baby girl I had ever laid my eyes on. Everything about me changed in that moment.

Those first weeks of being a mom were some of the most terrifying of my life. I had become so consumed with love for my new baby that I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to eat. I never wanted to leave her. I didn’t want anyone else to hold her. I wanted to watch her every breathe. And for the first month or so, I did. I still remember the day my mom told me I had to get out of the house. She called Channing and had her take me shopping. I cried the entire time. We spent maybe 30 minutes at a Target just a few minutes from my house before she had enough of my begging to take me back to my baby.

It took a little while, but I eventually found my balance as a mom. And while I was living a very different life from other girls my age, I was happy. I had my girl. And everything I did was for her.

I eventually had to go to work to provide for us. And in my new job, came a family. That family was found in my coworkers. I was blessed to be surrounded by the most supportive, uplifting, and amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. They loved on Madisyn and I. They prayed for us, took care of us…they shared life with us. And I was content. Madisyn and I had a life that was simple and at times tough, but it was ours together.

A few years passed by, and another unexpected surprise came my way – I met the man that would become my husband. A man who looked past my past and loved me for who I was. And more importantly, he loved Madisyn. From the get go, he was respectful of my time with her and understood that she was my priority. And as time went on and the months passed by, we fell in love. And just like the song goes…

First comes love,

Then comes marriage,

Then comes the baby in a baby carriage.

On December 18, 2009, we welcomed Megan into our world, and I became a mom for the second time. I was a little older, a little wiser, and in a totally different place in my life. And in that moment of holding her for the first time, my life forever changed again. I was now the mom to two little girls.

Her first year and a half passed quickly, and in no time we found ourselves approaching her second birthday. My husband and I decided we wanted to have one more baby to make our family complete. We decided to start trying at the first of the year.

Fast forward to February, and once again we were met with an unexpected surprise. Not only did we get pregnant, but we soon found out we were pregnant with TWINS!

On October 15, 2012, Jack and Liam entered our world, and I became a mom for the third and fourth time. My sweet little bubbas made our family complete, and just like before, our lives forever changed.

Sometimes I think I become more of a mother with each day that passes with my kids.

Each day I grow more, learn more, love more.

I still have a long way to go. More to grow. More to learn. But I like to think I am am getting there. For now, I choose to live in the moment, and I love. I love them so much. They are my whole world.

High School me would be shocked to learn that I never found my way to Broadway. Or that at 34 years old I would have FOUR children. As it turned out, motherhood was everything I never knew I needed. And it is my true calling.

This girl right here, at just 13 years of age (almost 14 if you were to ask her), she has grown into the most loving and kind hearted young woman I know. Straight A Student, Cheerleader, National Junior Honor Society Member, she is part of the track team and the Drama club. She radiates energy and love.

She is my baby.