Checking that mom box took a little bit longer for us than expected. We had always wanted to wait 5 years before we started talking about having kids, but didn’t know that it could actually take longer than just a snap of my fingers. Oh how I wish that was the case. About a year into our marriage I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I was loaded up on meds. I hated it. I knew that there were some meds I was on that could potentially cause birth defects so about 2 1/2 years into our marriage I cut everything out and let me body clear out. At that point we agreed if we got pregnant, we got pregnant, but as the months and the years dragged on it became no longer fun, it was hard, it was stressful and we blamed each other.
When you want something so bad and you are trying so hard to make it work, it really puts a damper on your relationships, your day to day functioning – everything. It got to the point where it consumed me. I had a digital fertility monitor, I was on extra prenatal vitamins, extra folic acid. Basically anything I read on the internet I tried – because you know…the internet is SO accurate. Every night I prayed to add to our family when it was the right time.
But you know when we got pregnant? On our 5 year wedding anniversary cruise. We decided for our anniversary we were gonna go big or go home and we hopped on the biggest cruise ship in the world and had a blast. You know what? There was no stress, no commitments, we let it all go. I don’t know if it was the lack of internet I refused to pay, the insane amount of strawberry daiquiris that were consumed or the rocking of that boat, but we came home with a pukey Jen and the wait was on. I was to in tune with my body, I could tell when I was ovulating, I could tell when I had implantation bleeding – I knew it all and I was patient. That morning I took the test I knew it was positive and I cried the happiest tears I had ever cried – until she showed up 9 months later then the happiest ugly cry ever happened.
So it’s easier said than done to chill out, relax and just let it happen. I’m not that kinda lady – I always need to be in control of the situation and I wasn’t and I learned the hard way – but I have the most amazing sassy three year old because of it. But being a mom doesn’t always put me in control. I can’t always control the schedule and I have to take care of someone else before my needs most of the time.
It is a true honor and privilege to have Hattie. I always wanted 1 girl. That’s it. I feel like I got super lucky. People always ask me if I want another baby. The answer? No. I don’t think I could emotionally go through all the drama and the stress of getting pregnant again. The anxiety – OH the anxiety! I don’t miss the diapers and the baby food and blow outs – we’re so past that point. We’ve talked about it. When a friend has a baby, Jeff gets that glimmer in his eye for a hot minute and then he’s reminded of what it took us to get there and he is okay with our party of three.
So for now a party of three we will be. Matching outfits. Fun activities. They are all things that make me a mom.
Cathy Goodwin says
Thank you for sharing your story. “It is a true honor and privilege to have Hattie.” – this gives me all the feels! I feel the exact same way about my son. Love it!