• About
  • Sponsor / PR
  • Contact
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Houston Mommy and Lifestyle Blogger | Moms Without Answers

We don't have all the answers, but we have all the fun

  • Mom
    • Parenting
    • Mom Life
    • Faith
    • Fashion/Beauty
    • Health
    • Blogging
  • Kiddos
    • Kids Activities
    • Kid Fashion
    • Family Fun
  • Recipes
    • Breakfast
    • Lunch
    • Dinner
    • Appetizers & Sides
    • Sweet Treats
  • Projects
    • DIY & Crafts
    • Home Decor
    • Cleaning & Organization
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
    • Parties
    • Gifts
  • Shop My FAVES

Raising a Child of Divorce

February 6, 2015 By Channing 5 Comments

I never expected IT to happen. IT was not the plan I had for myself or for my sweet baby girl. But, IT stared me straight in the face, a nasty giant overwhelming reality, DIVORCE.

I was 23 with a 1 year old and suddenly a whole new world was staring back at us. I did not believe in divorce, I never saw myself in this place but it was now my reality. It was not who I was, but it was happening. Whether I liked it or not, divorce was happening.

In that moment, my entire world came crashing down. The greatest pain for me was not the loss of something I had hoped for but for my sweet baby girl who would now live with the reality of divorced parents.

The picture perfect plan I had for her was now changing.

My story is not just one that I have lived but one that so many of you sweet Moms and Dads face as well. It was NOT our plan but it is now our reality and we are now living in a world where we are raising our children of divorced parents.

Raising a Child of Divorce

 

As parents we worry for our children whether they are from divorced homes or not. We worry about who they will marry, what they will grow up to be, the friends they will surround themselves with and the struggles they will face. Our list of things to worry about is vast and as they get older it grows.

I especially worry for my oldest, the one coming from a split family. Although our family dynamic with her dad’s side of the family is now good, she has to face a reality that is so far beyond her maturity.

Her dad and I are both remarried and she now has 2 sets of parents who think that she is the bees knees but it was a hard road to get us there. A road that affected her. A road that we are still walking that is full of learning and growing for all of us. Although all of her parents now get along, the reality for our girl is that her families are split and this will always affect her.

In order to keep HER at the forefront of the situation I had to write down important things that I knew some days I would need to be reminded of. Things that may seem so apparent but yet are easy to forget when dealing with the sensitive subject of divorce.

I wrote them down and would refer to them if I ever needed a gentle reminder for myself. Not that they are in anyway the fix all to any problem, but here are 5 little thinkgs that help put things in perspective for me in order to help make this co-parenting things a little easier.

1. Encourage them to Talk and LISTEN

This is so important when raising kids in general not just those of divorced parents, let them talk and just listen. Just like you need to call and vent to a girlfriend your little ones need to be able to get it off their chest too. So, listen to them and let them tell you how THEY feel. LISTEN and don’t interrupt with YOUR feelings, just LISTEN! (BTW this is super hard for me!)

2. This is NOT FAIR

Sometimes in divorce the pain is so great and the situation so icky that we lose sight of the fact that just because we are the ones getting divorced the divorce is actually happening to them. Our children are the victims in these situations and it is NOT FAIR. My daughter gets angry sometimes and expresses this very thought and in return I have to remind her that she is correct, this is NOT FAIR for her and it is a-ok to feel that way.

3. Counseling

Get counseling not just for you but also for them. Yes, listening and allowing them to talk to you is important but having a neutral outsider for them to chat with is so important. No matter how neutral you try to be when talking with your child you are still biased to your side of the story and they know that. Sometimes no matter how safe your child feels talking to you they will still stifle themselves in fear of hurting you but they need the outlet to express themselves fully. Find somewhere for them to talk a church, counseling center, school counselor etc.

4. Leave it at the Door

This may be the hardest thing to remember after a divorce but over time I PROMISE it will get better. Leave it at the door, what does this mean? It means that when it’s time to share your child with the other half to leave your hurt, anger, paperwork, etc at the door. Refer back to #2, this is not fair to your child and this situation is AWKWARD sauce for them! Leave yourself at the door and remember this is about them. Make it as easy as possible. And for goodness sakes, don’t say anything negative about their other parent to them.

5. It will all be OK!

I remember the first few months after my divorce I just kept asking if everything was going to be ok. And you know what, it is. Everything IS ok. When you are in the darkness of the reality of divorce it is hard to see through to where you can be but, hang tight you will be ok. I 100% know and believe that God is bigger than all of this, He is bigger than divorce, bigger than any trial you will face, bigger than anything your child will encounter and HE LOVES YOU! He can turn your ugly situation upside down and use it for His good.

Divorce is a lifelong battle and I do not pretend to think that these 5 little tips will solve all problems. Some situations are really tough and unfair but be encouraged, be encouraged that you will get through this and so will your kiddos!

 

 

 

 

 

0 Shares

Filed Under: Parenting

« Blogging With A Partner 101
11,838 »

Comments

  1. Meg O. says

    February 6, 2015 at 9:00 am

    Great post, Channing! I have gone through three divorces as a child involved. It’s never easy, and sometimes kids show their frustrations with it in different ways. I think the biggest thing for me is that I wish I wouldn’t have known and been involved with so many of the problems. #2 is huge, and sometimes I didn’t feel like I got to express that it wasn’t fair for me. You have a great head on your shoulders on how to approach this with your sweet girl.

    Reply
    • Channing says

      March 3, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      Thank you Meg! You are such a sweet friend.

      Reply
  2. Lee-Anne Van Zyl says

    June 18, 2015 at 2:52 am

    Good day. My husband and I have his son living with us. His 11yrs old. His extremely difficult with me. He swears at me tells me I’m not his mom and I must stop trying to be and my husband doesn’t stand by me with disaplan. I pray all the time. I really don’t know what to do???

    Reply
  3. Amy says

    June 22, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    Thank you for your encouraging words!! I needed this reminder!!

    Reply
  4. Jan Van Patten says

    July 13, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Thank you

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hi, friends! I’m Channing. I am mom to 3 amazing girls and wife to my fire fighting hubby, Eric. I loving sharing all things mom life related – recipes, DIY’s, real mom talk, crafts and more! 

Insta-Moms: @momswoa

Instagram post 17951785348338518 Happy 4th from these little cuties. It looks A LOT different this year but we are still having fun.
.
.
.
#happy4thofjuly #happyfourth #fourthofjuly #redwhiteandblue #momblog #houstonmomblogger #momofgirls
Instagram post 17856710153004179 #blackouttuesday
Instagram post 17864637601827512 This is what happens on day number 3,568,743 of quarantine: ice cream sundaes for DINNER. We have been spending endless time together and decided it was time to start a new family tradition, so we picked up the new DIY Sundae Kit from @baskinrobbins! The kit comes with 2 pre-packed quarts of ice cream, 3 toppings, an entire can of whipped cream and cherries! Ice
cream for dinner will now be a weekly staple. The kids are definitely not complaining! It’s a fun day with a Sundae! 
Comment below and tell me your favorite Baskin Robbins flavor!

#QuarantineCreations #IceCreamforDinner #FamilyTraditions #ad
Instagram post 17855065096958471 Some of my #DisneyMagicMoments have been with some special moms in my life! So, I’m playing along and sharing some of these moments with you.

I have spent time with old friends and new and the magic is always there. 
If you scroll back far enough, you will see my first Disney experience and the moment I fell in love with Disney with my own mom! 
I would love for you to play along and share your favorite Disney moments with the moms in your life! Don’t forget to use hashtag #disneymagicmoments! I tag @pixiemousemichelle, @fivefortheroadblog and @mrsblinks! 
Happy Mother’s Day! 😘😘
Instagram post 17873430769680209 Happy Cinco de Mayo! 🌮 What is your favorite Mexican dish?

I could eat Mexican for every meal of everyday! If your looking for the perfect recipes to make for dinner, I’ve got you covered. 
Head on over the the blog for all of my favorite dishes! These enchiladas NEVER disappoint! I promise you will LOVE all of these recipes! 🎉
Instagram post 17885629336528535 May the 4th be with you! We cannot wait for the day that we get to be back at Star Wars Galaxies Edge. Batuu, we miss you! #maytheforcebewithyou #may4thbewithyou #disneycreators #batuu #bluemilk #wemissdisney
Instagram post 17850899390014309 Disney is challenging us to share our first pictures with characters! I had to join in the fun and it was the best trip down memory lane. Disney has been threaded throughout my entire life. I pulled a few of my most favorite memories over the years. From partying in the streets during the most epic dance party and meeting our most favorite princesses to me being a kid at Disney myself. Oh, I also had to add a picture of Cinderella’s Castle. She really is the most beautiful cast member of them all! 
@waltdisneyworld we miss you more and more each day. You’ve brought us joy beyond words and we cannot wait for the day when we get to walk down Main Street USA again! 
Ok, now it’s your turn. Find your old photos of your favorite Disney characters and share the magic. Also, don’t forget to tag me. I want to see all your memories too! 
@pixiemousemichelle @ericaligenza and @prettyprovidenceblog it’s time to share yours!#disneymagicmoments #myfirstdisneycharacter #disneycreators #disneyfamily #disneykuds #disneyworld
Instagram post 17904777073435611 EASY EASTER SUGAR COOKIE BARS! [AD] With Easter looking a little different this year, I teamed up with my friends at @hersheys to create a fun Easter treat using items you probably have in your pantry!
These Easter Sugar Cookie Bars are so easy to make. Store bought sugar cookie mix and cute colorful icing is the perfect foundation for @cadburyusa eggs and @reeses eggs. 
Looking for more treat ideas? Check out the fun recipes at https://Hershey’s.com/kitchen/en_us/home.html

Comment below and tell me your favorite Easter recipes! #cadburyusa #reeses #eastertreats #springdessert
Instagram post 18019712191263346 I’m joining my friend @andhattiemakesthree for #happymondaymemory to share some joy and fun around here!
.
.
.
Let’s take it back to the #happiestplaceonearth and our time in Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge! Y’all, I don’t even have words for how amazing it is. And #riseoftheresistance is everything! Check out our video to see for yourself. We miss you @waltdisneyworld and can’t wait to make more memories soon!
.
.
.
Now it’s your turn! Share your favorite memory and let’s spread some joy! #evereveambassador #disneycreators #starwars #disneyhollywoodstudios #stayhome
Follow on Instagram
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: API requests are being delayed for this account. New posts will not be retrieved.

There may be an issue with the Instagram access token that you are using. Your server might also be unable to connect to Instagram at this time.

As Seen On:

Keep in Touch

  • Bloglovin
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Recent Posts

  • Copycat Disney Churro Ice Cream Sandwich
  • Teacher Approved Educational Resources for Kids
  • 20 Fun Things To Do At Home with Kids

Blog Archive

Copyright © 2023 · Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Necessary Always Enabled